


Time to Play the Music

by Sadbhyl



Category: Angel: the Series, Muppet Show
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-21
Updated: 2012-03-21
Packaged: 2017-11-02 06:45:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/366093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadbhyl/pseuds/Sadbhyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>puppet!Angel gets a client who’s right on his level. . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time to Play the Music

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published June 24, 2004

There was a respectful tap on his office door that made Angel look up from his paperwork. “Come in.”

Wesley stuck his head in. “Angel, are you busy?”

“Only with three months worth of tertiary division reports I can’t avoid now. What do you need?”

Wes came into the office to stand diffidently in front of the desk. “I wondered if you would have time to meet with a new client.”

Angel’s hopes fell. “Wes, I thought we’d agreed it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to meet with clients while I’m like this.” He looked down at his little felt hands, his tiny leather coat and blue silk shirt with disdain. “It might give the wrong impression.”

“That’s true,” Wes agreed, “and normally I’d stand behind that decision. But this is an unusual case that would benefit from your unique perspective.”

Angel sighed. “I really don’t want anyone pointing and laughing.”

Wes’s eyes crinkled in amusement. “I can guarantee that won’t happen. They won’t see anything unusual in the slightest.”

Now Angel was curious. “What’s going on?”

Wes leaned forward and pushed the intercom button on the phone. “Send them in, please.”

A frog, a pig and a . . . thing walked into the office.

It was like the beginning of some weird bar joke, especially when the thing tugged on the chain in its hand to pull some sort of wild animal into the office with them.

“Angel,” Wes made the formal introductions, “may I present Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Gonzo and Animal.”

“The great,” Gonzo interrupted.

“I beg your pardon?”

“It’s Gonzo the Great. With two g’s.”

“Of course. My apologies.” He couldn’t help grinning at Angel.

But Angel didn’t need introductions. He hopped down from the (thankfully) adjustable executive chair and came around the desk in a waddling step that mirrored theirs. “Mr. Frog,” he said, extending his hand, “it’s an honor. I’ve been an admirer of your work for quite some time.”

Kermit wrapped his long green felt fingers around Angel’s hand and shook generously. “Well, thank you. But please, call me Kermit. We’re always glad to meet fans. I didn’t know the CEO of Wolfram and Hart was one of us, though.”

“It’s a fairly recent development,” Wesley supplied, glancing down as he noticed for the first time that Piggy was eyeing him.

Angel shrugged. “I had a run-in with some simulacrum demons. It should wear off in a couple of days.”

Kermit nodded. “We have a couple of people in our company that got affected the same way and weren’t able to get turned back. You’re lucky you destroyed the nest egg. Too bad, though. A puppet vampire with a soul? We could give you a nice home.”

“Oh, you know about that.”

“We researched the whole firm before we came to you,” Kermit said, gesturing about him with stick thin arms that wavered as though suspended on strings.

“Nobody said anything about how handsome the management was, though.” Piggy batted her eyelashes at Wesley.

Kermit didn’t even turn around. “Piggy . . .”

She ignored him, moving closer to Wes on her purple pumps. “I’ve always had a weakness for Englishmen.”

Gonzo snorted. “And Scotsmen. And Frenchmen. And cavemen. Snowmen . . .”

She whirled on him, her fists clenched, her plastic eyes narrow in threat. “Did you say something, beak nose?”

“Who, me? Heck no! Don’t let me interrupt you.”

She turned back to her conquest, but Wesley had backed away to stand next to Angel, keeping Kermit between himself and the pig.

“You’ll have to pardon me for saying so,” Angel ignored the commotion, “but you seem a little too . . . wholesome, to be coming to our firm for help. Maybe your research didn’t quite tell you everything about us.”

“Oh no, we know all about your reputation for ruthlessness and, well, badness. To be truthful, that’s what we’re relying on.”

“We’ve been speaking softly,” Gonzo added. “Now its time for the biiiiiig stick.”

“Big stick!” Animal panted suddenly, eyes opening wide as he looked around, possibly for said stick, before lapsing back into catatonia.

“We’re having a contract problem between Henson and Disney that we haven’t been able to make any headway on, and we hoped you’d be able to help us.”

“Of course,” Angel assured him, “we’ll do everything in our power to help you.” He moved over to the desk and tried to reach for the phone. Wesley saw his plight and reached out to push the intercom button for him. “Harmony,” Angel said loudly, glaring up at an unrepentant Wes, “could you find Lorne and ask him to join us?”

“Sure thing, boss!”

“Lorne is our entertainment division head,” Angel explained. “He should be in on these discussions as well.”

“That’s fine,” Kermit assured him. “We’re grateful for any help you can give us.”

The door opened and Harmony came in, hands clasped in front of her. “Lorne’s on his way, boss. Can I get you all something while you wait? Coffee, tea, something in an insect?”

Before anyone could answer, Animal’s eyes flew open and he began bouncing up and down. “Woooooman!” he growled, turning the word into a chant. “Wo-man! Wo-man!” And he bounded towards Harmony, who screamed and backed away. He stopped short when he reached the end of his chain, but with a mighty burst of energy wrenched the chain out of Gonzo’s hands and chased Harmony out of the office. “Wo-man! Wo-man!”

They all watched through the glass as the two of them went tearing across the lobby and down the hall.

Kermit, obviously embarrassed, apologized profusely, but Angel waved it off. “She can take care of herself. She should know better than to run.”

“He has that effect on people,” Gonzo explained, still watching out the window. “He gets going and they forget he’s really just a two foot high pillow with teeth.”

“They’re felt teeth,” Kermit reminded him.

Harmony ran past the window. Animal followed a moment later, his chain dragging over the floor.

“Yeah,” Gonzo finished, “but he doesn’t know that.”

“Hey, Angelkins,” Lorne said, looking back over his shoulder as he came in through the open door, “did you know there’s a little fuzzy orange dude on a chain chasing Harmony through the building?”

That was when Angel realized he hadn’t prepared their clients for the unusual nature of their entertainment president.

“Kermit!” Lorne gushed after noticing the collection assembled. “What a pleasure! And the Great Gonzo! Love your work. Veeery innovative. And Miss Piggy.” He paused to stare into her blue eyes intensely before taking her silk covered hand and bending low over it to kiss her knuckles. “ _Enchente, ma belle_. You’ve made my life complete, for I had not thought to ever see such perfect beauty in all my days.”

She just stared at him, slowly hyperventilating.

Kermit was impressed. “He’s really good.”

“He is indeed,” Wes agreed. “I owe that man dinner. Or possibly my first born child.”

“Does he eat those?”

“No, he prefers sushi.”

“Ah.”

Angel looked at Kermit curiously. “You don’t seem very surprised about Lorne’s . . . heritage.”

Kermit shook his head. “We put the multi in multicultural. It takes a lot to surprise me.”

When Lorne finished making the rounds, Angel suggested, “Why don’t we all sit down and you can tell us about your problem.”

They did, all the puppets sitting with their feet up on the furniture, their legs too short to sit comfortably. They looked for all the world as though a group of children had been in the office and left their toys behind. Angel knew he only added to that impression, but somehow it seemed less unsettling around them.

Kermit, ever and always the spokesman, began. “I guess our trouble started when Jim died, back in nineteen-ninety. It was such a surprise, and he was so young, he really hadn’t made preparations for it. The kids came in, and of course Frank and the others tried to help, but it just wasn’t the same. The kids, especially Brian, were doing it because they loved Jim and wanted to honor his memory. But we really weren’t what they wanted to be doing, you know? There were a couple of projects already in the works, and we coasted into those, but then for us the work just petered out. Our last major job was _Muppets From Space_ . . .”

“A triumph in American filmmaking!” Gonzo proclaimed.

Kermit glared at him. “. . . which did lousy box office. And that was five years ago. Meanwhile, a whole generation of kids are growing up not knowing who we are. Our movies aren’t sold into syndication packages, the episodes haven’t even gone to video, let alone DVD release, and the only work we’ve been able to get is shilling pizzas with a pop star who makes Fozzie look like a genius.”

“Why can’t you strike out?” Angel asked. “Work for yourselves?”

Before Kermit could explain, Lorne pitched in. “Doesn’t work like that. Puppets aren’t real, remember? No offense intended.”

“None taken,” four voices echoed back.

“For contractual purposes, they are intellectual property. And that property belongs to the Jim Henson Company. No one is going to work with them without clearance from Henson’s legal office.”

“And they won’t give it.” Kermit sighed. “They mean well. They’re just trying to make sure that Jim’s vision isn’t corrupted. But meanwhile the puppets from Avenue Q and Crank Yankers are getting all the attention. They’re changing the face of puppetry. Pretty soon we’ll be beyond recovery.”

Wesley set his pen down on the pad he had been writing on. “I don’t see what we can do about this. As long as the Henson Company holds your contract . . .”

The Muppets looked uncomfortably at each other. “Disney’s made an offer for us.”

“Didn’t you try that once already?” Lorne said in surprise. “As I recall, it didn’t work out so well.”

“Brian, the sweet boy, didn’t trust them.” It was Piggy’s turn to exposit. “The agreement he signed with them still gave him approvals and oversight over everything. It was as though nothing had changed, except now we had Disney’s people butting in all the time too.”

“We were totally hamstrung,” Gonzo complained.

Piggy growled at him.

“Sorry. Bad choice of words.” He tried not to look terror sticken.

“But basically accurate.” Kermit took the story back. “We got _Treasure Island_ out, but by the time we went to production with _Muppets Tonight_ , the agreement was mostly finished. And when that was cancelled so quickly . . .”

“We thought we’d seen the light at the end of the tunnel,” Gonzo went on. “The family agreed to sell us to EM.TV in Germany. All kinds of promises of support and protection of the group identity, all that. But then they went under and we reverted back to the company again.”

“So what does this have to do with Disney?” Lorne asked.

“Eisner’s desperate,” Kermit said. “He’s in big trouble with the stockholders, especially since he’s managed to drive Pixar off. He needs a big, recognizable property acquisition fast. So he made a new offer to the kids.”

“And they turned it down,” Piggy finished.

“It’s a different kind of agreement, with a lot less involvement from the family,” Kermit explained. “They don’t trust Disney not to misuse their dad’s legacy.”

“But you want to go?” Angel asked.

Again the puppets exchanged uncomfortable looks. “We love Jim’s kids, we really do. And we all want them to be happy. But yeah, we do. A company like Disney could get us all working again, and not penny ante stuff. But we want the kids to be okay with it.”

“Which is why you’ve come to us,” Wesley nodded in sudden understanding.

“Exactly. The Henson lawyers are basically nice people. Good at their jobs, but without the killer instinct. They wouldn’t have fit in very well otherwise.”

“Disney lawyers, on the other hand,” Gonzo added, “are monsters. Literally. And not the cute, cuddly fuzzy kind.”

Angel looked to Lorne and Wes, both of whom nodded agreement. “I think I can safely say that on behalf of Wolfram and Hart, we would be more than happy to take on your case.”

They all cheered in relief, and Kermit got up to come over and shake Angel’s hand. “We’ll be in your debt forever if you can pull this off.”

“Don’t even think about it. It’ll be nice to do something for the good guys for a change.”

The door opened again and Fred, Gunn and Spike came in, obviously just back from lunch, judging by the Styrofoam boxes Fred and Gunn were carrying. They all froze in their tracks when they saw who was there. Fred was the first one to find her voice. “Are these really . . .?” She pointed to the Muppets hesitantly.

“They’re clients,” Angel explained.

“Of ours?” Gunn said in amazement.

“Hard as it is to believe, yes. And you need to get to work on their case.” Angel turned back to Kermit. “Do you have a copy of the offer?”

Wes pulled a sheaf of papers out of the stack he carried. “I have it here.”

Lorne took it. “I’ll give the counselor the run down as we get to work. Come on, Gunn, time’s wasting. We have to get these people back to work.”

As Lorne led a gaping Gunn off to work, Spike came over to the blue thing and started shaking his skinny hand. “Gonzo, mate. I gotta tell you you’re a hero of mine.”

“Really?” He looked surprised, his bulging eyes going even wider.

“Oh yeah! You’re never afraid to take a stand against the establishment. You’re a role model for rebels everywhere.”

Gonzo shook Spike’s hand frenetically in return. “That’s what I keep telling everybody. They all just think I’m weird.”

“That’s the beauty of it!”

Fred seemed just as star struck as she crouched down in front of Kermit to be even with his ping pong ball eyes. “I can’t hardly believe you’re really here!” Her voice was almost reverent, her hands clutched to her chest. “I’ve been watching you since I was just little myself. I still get shivers listenin’ to _The Rainbow Connection_!”

Piggy saw how close Fred was to Kermit and growled territorially.

Before she could do anything, though, a roar sounded out in the lobby. “That sounded like Animal!” Gonzo said, moving to the door.

Another, more soprano growl answered it, and the first voice yelped.

“That sounded like Harmony,” Spike added in surprise.

They all moved to the door, but whatever was happening wasn’t on the main floor.

Angel turned to Spike. “Do you think she finally remembered she’s a vampire?”

“One can only hope.” Spike rolled his eyes. “Daft bint’s always forgetting . . .”

 

 

It took several hours.

In the meantime, the others all hung out in Angel’s office.

Angel paced, as he always did, although it was harder now with such shorter legs and a less balanced stride. But it gave him an opportunity to eavesdrop on some of the conversations.

“Yanks just don’t know how to appreciate poetry, you know?” Spike was bemoaning to Gonzo. “With them it’s all about the surface, the tangible, you know? Got no time for introspection.”

Gonzo nodded in sad acknowledgement. “Sad, but true. That’s why I went for high explosives in my readings. Nothing captures and audience’s attention like blowing things up.”

“Too right.”

Fred’s conversation with Kermit was only slightly less surreal. “I always liked Robin. He’s so adorable. Where is he?”

“Oh, he’s back in the swamp with his mom.”

“Why did he come to stay with you, anyway?”

“Well, with a hundred and ninety-seven brothers and sisters, he thought his best chance to be different was to come stay with Uncle Kermit. I think he got what he was looking for.”

Fred thought for a minute. “Shouldn’t he be grown up by now? I mean, yeah, longer lifespan usually means a longer childhood. But he’s been little for an awfully long time.”

He looked at her very seriously. “Gland trouble.”

“Ah . . .”

Piggy sat in the armchair near the lobby partition, watching Kermit intently. Angel was surprised to notice that beneath the jealousy, though, was a thread of insecurity. And suddenly, inexplicably, he was reminded of Cordelia. Not the mature woman she had become, but the silly, self-centered but basically good-hearted girl she had been when she came to LA. The loss was a stab to his heart all over again. But the insight gave him some idea of how to talk to her.

He went over and leaned against the arm of her chair. “He’s just being nice to her.”

She glared at him. “I know that!”

“I mean, look at her. She’s got nothing on you. She’s way too skinny. And she smiles too much. She probably got those clothes at the Salvation Army.”

Her expression changed to one of surprise. “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”

He shrugged. “Once or twice. Guess I’m not so good at it.”

“No, no, you’re doing fine!” She studied him as though seeing him for the first time. “You know, you aren’t bad for a plush toy. Maybe when you’re human again, or whatever . . .”

“It wouldn’t work out. I have this curse that . . . well. And a _really_ bad history with women. You’re better off with the frog.”

But she watched him with a little more interest after that. Although she spent the rest of the wait in at the conference table annoying Wesley to make herself feel better.

Finally, Gunn and Lorne came back in, beaming happily. “We can do it,” Gunn pronounced. “A couple of fixes, some added boilerplate, and I think we can swing this for you.”

“But can you convince the family?” Kermit asked.

Lorne showed all his teeth when he smiled. “Bring ‘em on . . .”

 

Brian and Lisa Henson had grown up around corporate offices most of their lives. Although the one they were most familiar with consisted of a lot of people walking around with their arms covered in poly foam, muttering to themselves as though having split personalities. So the offices of Wolfram and Hart felt pretty tame to them. But still, they both felt uneasy. There was a definite sense that things weren’t what they seemed.

It didn’t help that they’d been summoned her from their meeting with Universal, trying to square distribution for a new fantasy film a la _Dark Crystal_. With the huge success of _Lord of the Rings_ , fantasy was big business, and Brian knew they had to get in on it while they could. But the request had been such, with subtle hints about the well-being of the future of the company, that they hadn’t dared not to show up. So now they stood in the lobby, waiting for the CEO himself to meet with them.

Brian leaned closer to his sister. “Have you ever heard of these guys?”

She nodded. “We ran up against them a couple of times when I was at Warner Brothers. They’re ruthless, Brian. Calling them sharks would be mean to the sharks.”

“What do you think they want?”

“I don’t know. But we’ve got to watch ourselves. They sure aren’t going to be looking out for our best interests.”

The blonde behind the desk rose to her feet and smiled efficiently at them. “Mr. Angel will see you now.”

Lisa looked to Brian, obviously bracing herself. “Here we go.”

The office was spare but aesthetically appointed, although Brian was a bit disconcerted by all the weaponry displayed on the wall behind the desk. The executive chair was turned away from the, so he looked instead to the dark haired man greeting Lisa. “I’m Wesley Wyndham-Pryce, Angel’s associate. This is Charles Gunn and Winifred Burkle. I presume you are Lisa and Brian Henson?”

They were all smiling. Friendly. Brian wanted to like them, but he remembered Lisa’s warning. “I am. Er, we are,” he corrected himself, cursing his awkwardness. “Where’s Mr. Angel?”

“He’ll be with us momentarily. Won’t you have a seat?”

Brian looked at Lisa uncertainly before sitting next to her on the couch. “What can we do for you, Mr. Wyndham-Pryce?”

“Actually, it’s more of a question of what we can do for you.” Brian was surprised to see the Englishman look uncertainly to his colleagues before continuing. “It’s been brought to our attention that you’ve received an offer for the Muppet franchise. We’ve been hired to encourage you to accept it.”

“I knew it.” Lisa’s voice was angry. “Disney put you up to this, didn’t they? Eisner’s so desperate . . .”

The younger man, Mr. Gunn, tried to calm her. “I assure you, Miss Henson, we are not working for Disney’s interests in this.”

“Well, you aren’t working for ours!” she insisted. “So who _did_ hire you?”

The partition doors slid open, and Brian was astonished to see Kermit, Piggy and Gonzo standing there with a green . . . person. With horns.

Kermit Waved nervously. “Hi, Brian. Hey there, Lisa. Um, they’re working for us.”

“But why?” Brian knew his voice sounded betrayed.

The voice that came from behind the desk surprised them. “Because we have a unique insight into their problem.” The chair rotated to reveal . . . a puppet. A fairly well made one, judging from this distance, with full articulation and a good eye for detail.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Lisa asked indignantly. “Because it isn’t very funny.”

“No joke.” And the puppet hopped down out of the chair and walked around the desk. On his own.

They stared at him in awe. Finally Brian whispered, “I thought we were the only ones who could do that.”

“Do what?” Miss Burkle asked in surprise.

“Bring puppets to life.” He looked to Lisa, but between he puppet CEO and the green demon guy, she seemed to be lost. “Dad could do it, of course, and I guess by working around him so long the others picked it up, too. Basically if we work with a puppet long enough, invest it with enough attention and purpose, they sort of wake up. Become real. I didn’t know anyone else could do it, though.”

“Well, I’m not really a puppet. I got attacked by some demon puppets. I’ll go back to normal in a day or two. Or so they tell me.”

“So when your friends came to us asking for help,” Mr. Wyndham-Pryce supplied, “we had more than the usual incentives to offer our help.”

The green guy stepped forward, a file folder in his hand. “We’ve been going over the offer Disney proposed, and we think we’ve found all the major weaknesses in it as far as protecting your father’s legacy goes.”

“Who _are_ you?” Lisa asked, still a bit shell shocked.

“Sorry, I’m Lorne. Head of the entertainment division here.” He offered his hand, and they both took it. His skin had a funny texture to it.

The young man spoke again. “The proposal is sound. The definitions of acceptable use are a little vague, but we can tighten that up. Add in language in a couple of places guaranteeing a rescinding of the agreement for violation of that use after a mediation period, and I think you’ll have an agreement everyone can be happy with.”

Brian watched as Lisa went over to kneel in front of their father’s creations. “You really want to leave us?”

Piggy reached out one purple satin covered hand to caress her cheek. “Oh, _ma cherie_ , of course we don’t. We’re a family, and we love you as much as we ever did James.”

“But you don’t need us anymore,” Gonzo went on, laying his own hand on Lisa’s shoulder. “You’ve got your own stuff going on. And you’re doing really well at it. But there’s no place in it for us.”

“We’re performers,” Kermit picked up the thread. “It’s what we do best. The comedy, the skits, the pratfalls, the music. That’s who we are. If we can’t do that, well, we should probably go back to being just foam and stuffing.” Kermit walked slowly up to Brian. “We aren’t leaving the family. We’re just . . . going to work someplace else, is all. We’ll always be family.”

Brian looked to Lisa. He could see the tears in her eyes as she gently nodded agreement. Finally, he looked back at Kermit, who was studying him intently. “If it’s what you really want . . .”

A sigh of relief went up from everyone, puppet and otherwise, gathered in the room.

But Brian still felt like he was letting Dad down.

Lisa must have seen it in his face. She came over and sat next to him, resting her hand on his knee. “It’s okay. It’s what Dad would have wanted. You can do your thing, and they can do theirs. You’ll see. It’ll be all right.”

He watched them, his friends from childhood, shaking hands in celebration with these people who were helping them. “It’s just . . . I’m going to miss them.”

“You won’t have to.”

Brian looked at her in curiosity.

“Come on, this is Disney! Within a year, they’re going to be everywhere. TV shows, merchandising, magazines, you name it. You’re going to get sick of looking at them.”

He smiled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. And they deserve it after all this time.”

 

Angel’s team walked the Hensons and the Muppets out to the elevator. “We’ll fax our suggestions to your legal office right away,” Wes promised Brian. “And if you would like, we’d be glad to help with the negotiations. We have rather an eclectic family here as well. We understand how important solidarity is.”

“And the same goes for you,” Angel assured Kermit. “If the Mouse gives you any trouble, just give us a call. They won’t know what hit them.”

“Thanks. It’s good to have strange friends in high places.”

Harmony swayed her way out from behind her desk, a long length of chain wrapped around her wrist. At the other end was a docile Animal, his mane artfully gathered up in a pony tail on top of his head and tied in a red bow. She handed the chain to Gonzo. “I believe this is yours.”

Gonzo took the chain, stupefied. “Um, yeah. Thanks.”

Animal stood there, watching her as the others got into the waiting elevator. Almost reverently he chanted, “Mah kind of wo-man!” before Gonzo jerked the chain, pulling him into the car with the rest of them.

Harmony sniffed derisively as the doors closed. “Well, at least _somebody_ appreciates me.”

“I don’t know that I’d consider a primitive, sociopathic puppet a step up for you, pet,” Spike scoffed.

She studied him up and down for a moment, then turned on her heel. “Says you.”

Wes walked Angel back into his office. “Well, that went well.”

Angel had to agree. “They don’t usually go that easily for us.”

“Especially not when we’re trying to do something good.”

Angel hopped up into his chair. “You’ve noticed that, have you?”

“We try so hard, but no one else seems to notice.”

“Well, we could always add high explosives.”

Wes looked at him quizzically.

“I hear it does wonders for capturing an audience’s attention . . .”


End file.
